tales from the tube

Around the time of the London bombings my dad sent me an SMS that read: All OK here + Try to avoid tube + take Care dad. Obviously this was a thoughtful message but I may as well have written back: glad yr well + have a nice drive to work + try to avoid all roads. Because the reality of the situation is that unless you are planning on not leaving the house much, the tube will be your primary means of transportation in London. With that being the case, here are some observations garnered from many journeys.

1. Escalator etiquette: If you wish to stand and merely enjoy the escalator ride, stand to the right – that way people in a rush are free to walk up on the left. So, if you wish to walk up, walk up on the left – unless of course the right is free, in which case you should walk up on the right, leaving the left free for people who may wish to run up on the left.

2. Carriage as Tardis: The train car arrives. To say it is packed would be an understatement – canned sardines enjoy roomier surrounds. You survey the situation. You think, I’m kinda small, maybe I could somehow manage to squeeze myself in. You take the challenge. You take a deep breathe. Somehow, someway you cram yourself in. You are standing closer to strangers than you would ever wish to stand. The train pulls into the next stop. A platform of people look in expectantly. They look envious, for you are one of the lucky ones – one of the ‘already on the train people’. Sorry folks, you think, no way you are getting on this carriage. Two people exit the carriage. Fully fifteen more people get on.

3. Managing expectations. In Melbourne trains depart about every twenty minutes and the feeling of just missing one is quite a disappointment – you know that you have a bit of a wait ahead. You can imagine what a joy it is to come to place where wait times are regularly only 1 to 3 minutes. How great is that! you say. How marvellous! What a city! But soon, the joy wears off – it becomes a mere expectation. The other day I was on the platform for 5, maybe 6 minutes. I was getting tense – I couldn’t understand what was going on – when would the train arrive? I couldn’t take the suspense anymore. I went to the stationmaster – Is something wrong? I asked. Is the whole line down or something? Every 10 minutes for that line, he said. What?! Ten minutes! Good grief – what a disgrace!

4. Occasionally you will see tourists taking photos of themselves or each other on the tube. They seem so excited to be in London, they just have to capture this unique London moment. Look-ey here ma, I’m on the London tube train! they seem to be saying with their happy snap smiles. You will laugh derisively and shake your head into your copy of Metro. Dumb tourists, you will think.

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In The News: Kate Moss In Cocaine Snorting Shock!

I’m sorry, but did anyone actually think that Kate Moss wasn’t on drugs? This was front-page news here all last week – which lucrative contract will Kate lose today? In my opinion – and everyone has one on this topic – Kate’s job is to look gorgeous – a job she does spectacularly well. I would boycott the companies that have dumped her just on principal. Unfortunately I can either not afford their stuff anyway (Chanel, Burberry) or they sell some of the few things that I actually can afford (Rimmel, H&M), therefore I can’t afford not to buy from them.

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And in other news: “Twiggy: Fat Folk Have No Excuse” - such helpful words from the swinging sixties super-skinny freak of nature.

a very big chair

...and table. this is a public art piece in hampstead heath and it really is very, very big. it supposedly symbolises the loneliness of the writer (and as such is called 'the writer'). before we saw this i read a piece in the local paper along the lines of: 'locals were shocked and called the police when they noticed 3 young teenage couples having sex on a public statue. the offending couples departed before police arrived'. you really have to commend their dexterity and their climbing skills.

you've gotta see the baby

but of course we were delighted to see the baby - the baby being hugo xavier brunton - our very first nephew! these photos were taken on 7 august when he was just 11 days old.

bank holidays: not just for banks

we recently had a monday 'bank holiday'. no one seemed to have any idea what it was in aid of (labour day?, queen's birthday? anyone, anyone?) but who are we to argue with a long weekend?

friday night we went to the prince charles cinema near leicester square* and saw 'the life aquatic with steve zissou' which was actually very good. i say 'actually' because the trailers for this film did it no justice - we thought we'd give it a go even though it didn't look that great but it turned out to be fantastic - the story, the sea, the little creatures in cgi, the david bowie covers in portugese and a particular shade of blue used throughout - all quite surreal and different.

On Saturday we explored the local area and discovered that we can walk to Primrose Hill, Regent’s Park and the London Zoo. Primrose Hill is a park and also where apparently every London celebrity and their dog live. Our eyes were peeled but Jamie Oliver, Gwen Stefani, Jude Law, Gwyneth Paltrow and little Apple were obviously all away for the weekend.

On Sunday the Notting Hill festival was on. This is the largest carnival in Europe (so they say) and takes over the streets of Notting Hill with Jamaican music, food, horns, whistles and parades. The place was just packed (1 million people attended over the two days) and it was a really hot day. After a few hours looking around and enjoying barbequed corn on the cob we realised we weren’t drunk enough to put up with much more, so headed to our regular late Sunday afternoon coffee/ paper session at Café Nero (a chain slightly less tragic than Starbucks – we are still to find a café we can call home).

Monday was another great day weather-wise so we decided to head to the seaside. We caught the train to Brighton. Because Brighton really came to the fore in the Victorian era, my image of the place was genteel ladies in petticoats, gentleman strolling along the pier in top hats and children playing quietly with buckets and spades. Okay – maybe not that delusional but we thought it would be nice. The reality is a little more, how shall I say, like this.

They have put a giant casino on the boardwalk so, as well as obstructing the sea views, you have these people, at the beach, inside, in the dark, playing the pokies. After some undercooked hot chips we ventured into the town. This was a whole other story – very trendy with really cool little boutiques, speciality stores, organic food cafes – a total contrast. It looked like we weren’t the only ones who noticed the difference. From what we could tell, the boardwalk people do not go into the town, and the town people do not go near the boardwalk. After sitting on the pebbles in the sun (no sand at all on the beach), and not even contemplating swimming (about 4 or 5 brave souls were actually in the water), then taking a long walk along the foreshore and feeling sorry for the bathing boxes perched on concrete, we caught the train back home – a very different experience to an Australian day at the beach indeed.

* bargain london tip: friday is 1 pound day** - movies, popcorn, drinks, all 1 pound.
**just noticed my keyboard at my new job does not have the pound symbol - a sign